I Put On A Front And Now I’m Starting My Own Religion

Why do we need the false guise of religion to have community, closeness and good will
I Put on a Front and Now I’m Starting My Own Religion
Source - Richard Satenberg

I felt like Zero Mostel in The Front on Sunday.  If you don’t remember, he’s being investigated by the House UnAmerican Committee for suspicion of being a communist. He attended numerous Socialist rallies in the 30s and offered a simple defense.   “It was the girl with big ass,” he tells Woody Allen. “I just wanted to get laid.” My foray was much less incriminating and landed me among a religious gathering, which led me to course of action. I hope you can join me.

The events began as a gaggle of Asian girls descended on the Peekskill Coffee House. As

it were, they all wore a t-shirts that said “Band Together.”

This enabled me to put my reporter’s hat on to facilitate an introduction. “What is band together,” I saw a potential story and had my opening.

A free concert was going on across the street at the Paramount. The girls invited me and presented their card.  The show was being put on by a born again Christian enterprise.  I was disappointed.

But if anyone is going to get me to attend a religious event, it’s Asian girls. Oh my, they really make my head spin. So I waited an extra hour to see if an actual entrance was palatable.  

When the time came, I sniffed around and finally decided to go in.  They politely welcomed me, and looking around, I was ensconced by Asians.

Of course, half were women so my head was spinning - sort of.   The religious part couldn’t help but cause my spinal swivel to sputter. 

Nonetheless, I sat down, and as I fidgeted, the girls I met came over to say hello.  I feigned comfort but felt disingenuous and plotted my exit. 

I figured once the music started I could slip out unnoticed.  But I didn’t really want to leave.  Did I mention all the Asian girls in attendance?

So I thought maybe the band would ease my anxiety and open some avenues.  Unfortunately, the band was late, and I couldn't stomach how out of place I was.

It got worse when the venue played a video about a young man who lost his parents and found God. Then throw in my disengenous agenda,


and my seat was set a blaze.

Still, there were all these beautiful….Well, I don’t need to repeat myself.

I could only come to one conclusion in my exasperation.  What a God damn waste.

Why is necessary to have religion to congregate a bunch of women under the banner of mindless indoctrination.  However, I still wished I could conjure Curt Cobain and be “dumb” to improve my life. 

No such luck.

But in the interest of objectivity, I felt it necessary to compare my empty life to theirs.  They all looked pretty happy and part of that is serving God. In other words, followers get involved in initiatives to help others and that’s some undeniably worthy opium.

The other aspect is community.  A whole extended family worth of companionship exists, which probably feels a little like college. Of course, a similar agenda as my own inevitably emerges and all the kids running around spoke to the fact.

Again, though, why does this have to been done under the false guise of religion.  Throwing up my hands, an idea arose through my frustration. Rather than beating or joining them, I could start my own religion.

We’ll do good things, ponder existence and hang out as often as possible. Of course, as God, I will have a very liberal admittance policy.

So no, you don’t need to be a beautiful Asian girl to apply but it would certainly help.

I am easily reached on Facebook and no entry fee is necessary.



Please login to comment on this post.
  • mandini alya  13-09-2017
    Religion is akin to a long path to follow where on both sides are steep slopes. Some are thrown into either side due to not being careful in following the path. That's my thought only.
    reply 0
  • UmiNoor  12-09-2017
    What an interesting and entertaining read! Even Mark Zuckerberg started his first website so that he can get laid. So typical of men but that's just the way things are. You cannot deny your needs. Good luck with your new religion.
    reply 0
  • vpaulose  12-09-2017
    Religion is supposed to promote love and harmony and not confusion and chaos.
    reply 0
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